9 Playing
Hard-To-Get Strategies That Keep Him or Her Interested
Once you've piqued a man/woman's interest
enough for him/her to be attracted to you, how do you keep him/her
there?
One way to enhance the attraction and keep his/her interest is play
hard-to-get.
Playing hard-to-get when done right is much more important than most
people think, realize or are willing to admit.
Mystery and elusiveness is fundamental to our very nature. God, the
universe, the weather, human nature, male-female relationships are all
examples of things that are beautiful, very real and so easy to see (or
find) but so hard to figure out and pin down.
We first become conscious of our ability to be mysterious and elusive
when our caregivers can no longer anticipate our every need --
especially the need for a relationship.
As children we did not have the vocabulary
for initiating human interaction that is exciting, stimulating, arousing
and breathtaking, the game of hide-and-seek became the language by which
we invited another to create such a relationship.
We can still see this language of
interaction as children happily hide behind other adults, or under
towels or sheets or wherever. When he or she is "found" the child says,
"Okay, this time, you hide." As the two people take turns to
hide-and-seek, a language of interaction of equals with an equal
interest in a relationship starts to emerge. Laughter signals that the
game was successful and a relationship was established.
Variations of this game increase during the teenage years. One popular
and universal game of hide-and-seek is the “manhunt”. First you pick
someone to be “It” (the person to seek) then he/she turns around and
counts with their eyes closed at the "base" while the rest of the people
hide. The "It" then says, "Ready or not, here I come" and rushes to find
everyone.
When the "It" finds someone he/she holds onto them long enough to say,
"I found you!” three times. If you ever played this game, you learned
how to say that really fast and to hold on to the person you found
really tightly.
If the "It" moves too quickly or roughly or someone hides that it's
impossible to find him or her, the transitional space is shattered and
the play is over. The game disintegrates and all lost.
These hide-and-seek games continue well into courtship and beyond.
While our society may have purposefully dumbed itself down for the sake
of some implied guarantees for "dating success", the reality of life is
that we never outgrow the desire to play hide-and-seek.
As children we didn’t enjoy playing hide-and-seek with those who hid in
plain sight, those who hid in the same place over and over again, but
most of all we didn’t like playing with those who hid so well that we
couldn’t find them. As adults we still don’t enjoy the company of
someone who isn’t creative and much of a challenge or isn’t spontaneous
or fun. We get easily bored and disengage.
I absolutely think that it is worthwhile -- almost necessary -- to play
hard-to-get on some level if you want to weed out people who don’t have
a serious interest and if you want to keep a man or woman interested.
Playing hard-to-get like the hide-and-seek games we play as children is
not only an interactive game, it also increases our alertness to our
environment, our skills for finding what we're looking for and also
gives us a sense of satisfaction once we find what we're looking for.
Now you must be thinking, "Gee, I'd like to play hard-to-get but I just
don't think I'd be any good at it."
You may actually be right. Rather than attract the opposite sex,
popularly promoted playing hard-to-get rules and actions often piss off
or push away the person you’re trying to attract or keep interested.
Rules and actions that are so focused on the "hard" (do not answer the
phone, stand them up, pretend you are busy, do not show you are
interested, do not say I love you first, etc.) and forget the "play"
part make you seem uninterested, at best, and mean and cruel at worst.
It can be such a headache trying to figure
out what you think or feel and if it's worth investing any more time in
trying to get to know you.
Any self-respecting person will walk away from that kind of stress. The
ones who don't are desperate and are that way for a reason.
Playing-hard-to-get when done right introduces a particular sense of
depth to the mysterious and elusive phenomenon that the opposite sex
tend to find absolutely irresistible.
Some of the Playing Hard-To-Get Strategies that I have personally used
and highly recommend as a good jumping-off point from which you can
successfully launch your “Game of Playful Pursuit” include:
1. Be flexible but not a pushover
2. Create distance without going anywhere
3. Give him/her what he/she wants but not in the way he/she expected
4. Don't compete, outlast the competition
5. Be totally open and upfront but keep raising questions in his/her
mind and answering them: some right away, some later
6. Be easily accessible but “out of reach”
7. Stir the pot once in a while
8. Work the imagination and tease all of his/her senses
9. Initiate sexual contact when he/she least expects it
It makes a lot of difference when you make things seems
fresh and vital in ways that keep the blood flowing!
And whether you are pro or against playing hard-to-get the
fact is that if he/she is not chasing you, he/she will chase someone
else. It's in our genes. I think it's a consequence of the law of
natural selection. We can't seem to escape from it. So use it to
your advantage.
But before you start playing hard-to-get, it's important that you are
aware of some of the behaviors that indicate that a man or woman's level
of interest in you may be small to begin with. Trying to play hard-to
get in this instances is the fastest way to end the relationship (even
one that has great potential). It’s like having one foot on a banana
peel, the other in the grave.
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Playing Hard-To-Get The Love Way
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